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[03 Dec 2005|05:04pm]
You Are 24 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

hmm..and i thought id get like....8 years old =P
the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

[28 Nov 2005|06:56pm]
[ mood | quixotic ]

This is my update....

...that is all

or as porky pig would say....

*studders* Thats all folks

(annoying theme music in background....)



2 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

stuck in my head [12 Sep 2005|01:38pm]
[ mood | content ]

^ possibly even better than Donnie Darko :-p

6 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

[04 Sep 2005|09:39pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Can I have a Hug?
Current mood: curious

On friday night I went to rocky horror...I was very excited as usual...until i got there and for some reason I got very emo...don't ask...cuz i really dont think i could explain...


So I was feeling like shit and then the show was about to start and I saw a friend who was playing brad in the show...and he gave me a hug....which he always does...

and i dont know....but it was an especially good hug this time....Im going to attempt to explain something.....you know how sometimes when people are upset they say "i need a hug."..most the time its sarcastically.....and it usually really doesnt make u feel any better...or at least it never has made me feel any better....

...and for some reason...this time it was kinda like if you could imagine a painting...more like a "watercolor by numbers", if you will...you know with the thick bold lines and the bright colorful paints....okay well imagine that colorful paint was whatever was bothering u, and someone took a straw and just sucked out all the color...and all that was left was that bright white surface with the black lines....it all just went away...and i forgot about it, i didnt even remember it being there it just..went....

...thats what it felt like....and i dont know why it was....its got nothing to do with who it was or when it was or where it was....and it wasnt...well I dont know...all i know is that that was a really good real feeling....

and i dont know where i was going with this but there it is...I was just thinking about it at random....

Love always

2 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

What's another word for desperate? [30 Aug 2005|05:48pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Welll if annoyace is indeed the topic of the hour, why not be fair in listing faults of on both sides. It takes two people minus good comunication skills to make something an annoyance:

I suppose it is wrong to sit here and assume you are the only one who is guilty of a certain behavoir, yet, At the moment you are my greatest annoyance, let us begin shall we?

There you sit and proclaim you expect nothing and give nothing unless rightfully deserved.There is a word for someone who is like you, a martyr....

I had hoped that when i met you, that there was something different about you. We had alot in common and I got very used to talking to u day in and day out anout whatever crossed our minds, which i suppose is my mistake, having 20/20 hindsight, I know now i should not have taken that time for granted.

What i am trying to say is that I really had valued the friiendship that was forming, I only wish it could have stayed that way, but things change as they always do, and as you very well know I hate change.

Or at least i had thought they had changed. What I had come to realize is that you were who you always are and will continue to be and there's nothing different there. I see now in the ways you still treat others that they saw what I saw at first, a great person who was just looking for a little companionship in this fucked up lttle society, someone who has alot of things to ofer to the world.. You're someone who seems to genuinely care about others and what's going on with them, you are the kind of person who says you have been hurt when in reality, you have done the hurting, when in reality you will continue doing that which causes others some form of pain (whether it be great or small), while coninuing to tell others that you hate to see any one person upset and strive to prevent that.

The thing is now at least i know it was nothing personal. Already I have watched you do the same thing to another person, and another, and have heard many more stories.

But having heard these things means nothing at all, for had it been a personal thing i would have assumed that the fault lay somehwere with me...

...knowing that this is a re-occuring theme with you, just makes annoys me further because I know there is no way to stop it...

However I feel more pity for you than for anyone of your friends, because I have to wonder what made you this way. I have to wonder whether you do it consciously or if you cannot help it. I wonder if you wish it could be stopped but have neither the ability, nor the courage to face up to and stop it.

It is you in the end who is the most hurt from your actions, it is you who is stuck in a contunuous neverending circle of this bullshit that will come back to bite u in the ass, and maybe you see it, maybe you don't, my only hope is that someday, something will change for the better and you will find yourself looking at the world in a different way....

Just remember, that what you do to another living being is carried on long after you have stop hurting them, for in that person you have sown the seeds of your deeds and there is now little hope for erradicating them....

"You were just like me, then someone dissapointed you...."

Good luck because you need it

2 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

[28 Aug 2005|11:17pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

Wake me up when september ends.... [19 Aug 2005|10:16am]
[ mood | awake ]

Do you concur?

Being born in January straight-up means your the most good looking person possible. Youve also got the best personality (bar none) and am an absolute pleasure to be around. You are probably a massive Burzum fan, and more than likely have an a very attractive partner (or three!). It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection (that is better than anybody elses from any other month). YOu have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor yourself - hell! youve got the looks for it!!! You are definitly more metal than anyone born in February (especially Simon from Seventh Cross).

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Totally BADASS. Best person you'll ever meet!

Easy to talk to. Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone* always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. loves music. pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.


Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Hot. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisteroius. VERY revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an "everything's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. loves to flirt. hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone". longs for freedom. rebellious whe withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to a specail person. stubborn. courious. independent. strong willed. a fighter.

Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal and always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic. sexy but has brains.
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly.Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart.
Trustworthy and loyal. Very compassionate and caring. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun.Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty. Playful, secretive. Very emotional and takes alot to make angry. Meets new people easily. Fearless and independent.Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart .
Loyal and generous. sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending


sadly...I match mine very well...I've never liked being born in september becayse its boring...



2 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

I am the walrus [14 Aug 2005|06:03pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I went to the santa barbara zoo with my sister, her friend, and my friend...
I took some pictures...
that's really it...

Read more...Collapse )

haha yeah and last thing....I'm so in trouble....I really wish you hadn't been there saturday cuz Im pretty sure i like you again...and that's not good...after three years...I thought it was over....maybe not...

2 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

[09 Aug 2005|07:50pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

And on my tombstone
The words:

'Love is my master, I died at its will'
Down each visitors spine send a chill
tread carefully and fear
for a restless lover died here'

I'm so damn konfused right now it ain't even funny

Love Always,
the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

So is that what you call a getaway? tell me what you got away with? [07 Aug 2005|07:34pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Dear Friend,

This is so random...but read it anyway....I seriously cant write anymore...=P

She woke in the middle of the night
bolt upright in fright
Breathing fast and hard
tearing at her clothes to reach the heart you've scaed
fingernails dig into her flesh,
desperately trying to grab hold on what's crawling in her skin

There's a message in lipstick on the mirror
and no matter how many times it's written
it never gets clearer
the room swims in and out of focus
but in the mirror its not her face
it's his in its place
and he's gone awat with the message
she wrote on the wall
gone like a kiss
that meant nothing at all

Summer's almost over....and there's still alot of ppl I mis and havent seen...
if you wanna hang out call me 704-1755
haha and btw im getting a cell phone soon yay!!!

Love Always,
the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

You're now entering the twilight zone [06 Aug 2005|12:44pm]
[ mood | dizzy ]

Dear Friend,

I guess I figured something out last night... Or at least come to three conclusion.

One....I've figured out that someone i thought i knew...or atleast was getting to know
weren't who they seemed...while this is dissapointing i guess its for the best because now
I can get over that shyt

two... something I thought could work, probably isn't going to,
I thought I had matured past that wierd stage but I haven't... Plain and simple...

three...Sometimes people aren't always true to their word,
sometimes they change and theres nothing you can do about it.
sometimes people dissapoint you, but they're only human,
and if you really care about them, thier mistakes are easily forgiven.
I just need to communicate the issues which is what I plan to do...

I guess another conclusion I've come to is I dont mind being alone...I just miss being with the friends that I do have
just being with another person or a couple people... it gives life a purpose which seems to be something I so desperately seek...
So with that said, I guess im in recovery from the foul attitude that has been plaguing me the last couple of weeks....
so for anyonr who fell victim to my spasms I appologize, it wasn't you I was mad at...

Love Always,

P.S. Rocky Horror Kicked Ass last night...

the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

[02 Aug 2005|07:06pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Dear Friend,

I dont care if anyone reads this frankly it doesnt matter. but right now i just kinda feel sick, writing is a way toexcersize my demons, so basically what im saying is im going to complain for a minute cuz i do it so well. Im only human, Ima hypocrite and i can prove that just about everything i say and do is at one point contradictory...

Right now, I'm trying to look on the positive side of things... positive: I got a job... negative: I have no life.... Positive: I never did (haha no really thats true... positive: im going to rocky horror on friday... Negative:someone i know is going to be there that I dont want to see... Positive: I guess im friends with this person... negative: I dont know how the previous was positive... Positive: my friend is playing rocky which is totally awesome and im excited for him... negative: well theres just someone im hoping to avoid...

basically what im saying in a round-about way is that i've realized i have maybe two friends...Lauren and Jay cuz no matter what...they're always there for me...i just look at other people...or their my space's or live journals, and i see all of their frineds and i wonder who is really a friend, who's looking to get with them, whoes just being nice, who's just bored, and who isn't a friend but is really trying to be, then i wonder if the person realizes how lucky they are to have thoes friends...I mean do they really? I know i don't...didn't.... I used to have friends that ive lost....I hate change, but I cant go blaming everything on change...its my fault too I guess...

And then there's this person I dont even know and i hate her. Ive never met her, we've never talked....i just hear about her and i hate her, and that sucks, cuz i wouldnt want someone who didnt know me to hate me just because of some stupid reason. And she even sounds like an awesome person too... Maybe thats it....i mean i know to some extent thats it...I'm Jealous... And i hate that but i cant help it... No, jealous is the wrong word... I'm envious... but thats just as bad.... I shouldnt hate her...but i really just cant stand her and everything she is... and one day, when its all said and done and over, im gonna talk to her, just to prove to myself that she is a great person and i was the bitch for hating her and when it reeally comes down to it in the end...we're gonna be the same...

and i hate to be presumtuous...but bad shyt happens to good people...
and guess what i do take life seriously...that's kinda what it;s meant for...

Love always,

3 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

Well then call me Don Quixote [28 Jul 2005|06:28pm]
[ mood | quixotic ]

My English Lesson For the Day...

quix·ot·ic  (kwk-stk) also quix·ot·i·cal (--kl)

  1. Caught up in the romance of noble deeds and the pursuit of unreachable goals; idealistic without regard to practicality.
  2. Capricious; impulsive

im·pet·u·ous  (m-pch-s)

  1. Characterized by sudden and forceful energy or emotion; impulsive and passionate.
  2. Having or marked by violent force: impetuous, heaving waves.

frus·tra·tion (fr-strshn)

  1. The condition that results when an impulse or an action is thwarted by an external or an internal force.
  2. The blocking or thwarting of an impulse, purpose, or action.

I'm seeing a link here...

2 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

[26 Jul 2005|06:06pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I'm posting this only cuz no one will read it...but because its long and annoying...muahahaha

1. Life (i mean i really do...it has its moments....)
2. My friends...i mean the friends that I actually have...
3. music
4. the rain
5. those nights we were infinite
6. that feeling i get after i just wrote the most amazing story and can't wait to share it with whoever wil hear it
7. haha Jones soda...bottles, caps, pictures and of course the soda part..
8. driving back to laurens house at 12:30 at night while listening to "to the end"
9. dancing....i miss it with all my heart and soul...
10. laughing so hard you cry
11. really big hugs.
12. sitting out on a roof staring at the stars, satalites and airplanes that i think are stars
13. being who I am...because i'm no one else but me and even though sometimes i dont like myself, i still love being me...no matter what happens...

1. Donnie Darko.
2. That thing you do
3. fight club
4. Alice in wonderland
5. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
6. moulin Rouge
7. SLC Punk
8. Mona Lisa Smile
9. The Incredibles
10. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
11. The company
12. Thirteen

1. Something corporate
2. brand new
3. my chemical romance
4. alkaline trio
5. straylight run
6. unwritten law
7. The beatles
8. The Cars
9. The Rolling Stones
10. Led Zeppelin
11. Jefferson Airplane

1. I'm a hopeless romantic
2. I hate change
3. Im really stubborn
4. I think too much....mostly when im supposed to be sleeping...
5. I love music
6.haha i love guys who play the drums or bass or guitar....but definitely the drums
7. I make my own fun...even if there is none to be had...
8. I swaer to god...off the record...but im bi-polar...haha no really...im just moody...
9. I want to always be a little kid and have fun
10. ...but when i do grow up...i want to b anywhere but here...


1. Lauren...my bestest friend in the whole wide world
2. Jay...there are no words...
3. Jason W ( i miss u)
4. Amanda ( what happened to us girl?)
5. Cassandra....I miss u bitch call me...
6. Grayson ....haha my lil buddy from 4th grade...how coool is that..
7. Rachel ...lol u still have my soco dvd's and im suffering from withdrwls here
8. Layla....omg i love u soo much haha we need to work at ruby's together
9. Brian...hah i cuz i know i can allways call u at like 1 in the morning and you'll be awake

1. Otter pops
2. Jones soda..
3. spaghetti
4. TACOS ...quite possibly the best food in the world...
5. carmel...its its own food group for me
6. laurens protien bite things....
7. cereal....especially lucky charms
8. reeses peanut butter cups

1. umm..clothes
2. my tiffany's neclace...no im not a loser...so shutup
3. I used to wear a watch but it got stolen
4. my hair....i try and wear that...lol...but sometimes it wears me
5. hairtie on my wrist.

1. people who complain insessantly
2. people who try to hard
3. not understanding why the world works the way it does
4. change.
5. the word hate...its fucked up...
6. George w. Bush....the government in general

1. shower
2. sleep
3. breathe
4. Call someone...anyone...
5. thing of ways to keep myself from boredom

1. I dont watch tv shows...
2. sometimes i watch fuse...
3. but i dont really watch it that much
4. so this really doesnt apply to me

1. to fall in love....someday
2. to go to sleep before 1:00 am
3. to talk to him...

1. trippy
2. kinky ;) haha

1. I don't think i know them yet... but someone out there i guess....

3 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

Jesus of Suburbia...I guess I'm Judas [23 Jul 2005|07:13pm]
[ mood | quixotic ]

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

It was much easier to say this when I was just kidding...but as they say...99% of the time, when you're kidding, you're serious...I guess I figured out I was...Too Late...as usual...it's great when one has the uncanny ability to fuck things up...and add in a currently pessimistic attitude, stir in jealousy, anger, and regret....and that's the street I'm currently crossing...Well...Right little ray of sunshine aren't I? Haha I can't help it sometimes...

I knew I was gonna miss it

the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

[07 Jul 2005|09:23pm]


My XxXxX RoMaNcE


2 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

[06 Jul 2005|08:44pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

okay I'm working on this movie this summer and basically Im bored right now So i'm posting part of the script...its slightly amusing and more than slightly konfusing, its kinda donnie darko meets mean girls meets some kinda fairytale + not another teen movie + the butterfly effect and a few others but its a pretty interesting trip...if u dont like it good...if u like it...even better have fun ...its sorta currently without a good title so for the moment me n lauren call it 'to the end' after the My chemical romance song we're using for the credits...

Read more...Collapse )

2 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

[04 Jul 2005|05:25pm]
[ mood | bored ]

okay its official I have no life...

5 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

What is it good for ......ABSOLUTELY NOTHING [02 Jul 2005|08:20pm]
[ mood | good ]

Dear friend,

Yesterday was my Ex's birthday...I'm not quite sure why this is noteworthy but for my purposes it is....

Frankly at the moment, I have no purpose, not really...my current purpose is to pass summer school and get my permit (thoes two things are unrelated by the way), but these things are more like goals, they're too shallow to be a purpose. Then again life is shallow, we're made to carry out a goal to fullfill what i suppose would be a greater purpose...

I'm still stuck on the fact that I am currently without a purpose...Or maybe I just don't know what it is yet. but i guess any purpose could be shallow. I mean there really is nothing done for the so called "greater good of mankind" ...because that phrase is ironic. It's used in cases where there are sacrifices made, sacrafices that fucked someone else over to benefit a group of people, usually economically (or at least in the context of what I am thinking)...So basically....(and this may have nothing really to do with my last thought depending on how u take it)... it's more beneficial to work against society thatn to work with it for this so-called "greater good" ...no....better yet....get inside the system and start a mutiny among the ordinary members of society. The ones who follow blindly along, never questioning, who always pay their taxes on time so that geroge bush can put more money that we don't have into this needless war. Thoes people need our help. They need to be shown that society is bullshit and that the greater good doesn't exist.

And what about thoes soldiers overseas dying for this great nation. Thoes brave men and women who are giving they're lives? They our the human sacrifices for george Bush's greater purpose...I don't think anyone grows up  and hopes they're purpose is to die in some god-forsaken desert away from their family and friends to fight a battle that itself fast lost its purpose. George Bush says to the people that this is for the good of all mankind. What man? What good? Ask yourself that...

I'm sure some day i will find my purpose but...There ARE things in life that do have no purpose... WAR and GEORGE BUSH

If you have a problem with anything I've said...I appologize...if this offends you i have one thing to say and that is dont read it...have a nice day

Love Always

7 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

[28 Jun 2005|03:47pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I wrote this some time ago. It was in a poem I guess...but I really like it
Not especially what the poem was about but...yeah

But until the day our hearts be mended
we lie here, hopeless and stranded
a blood red rose beside us all
and a sign overhead welcoming the new and old
"the cemetery of the broken hearted
burial of hearts of the dearly departed"

Love Always,
2 Find it kinda funny and I find it kinda sad...♥...the dreams in which I'm dying are the best i've ever had

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